I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
