wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
