it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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