Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
