Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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