is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the condom got lost in my hair
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
