Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I touched a dick in church today
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
