He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize