Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
