I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
