i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
