I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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