Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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