i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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