I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He did a backflip because drugs
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