yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
