Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
