just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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