Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i've created a new STD.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
