ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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