does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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