Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
