I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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