You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
