Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize