no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
