i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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