what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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