Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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