I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
