Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
