if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
