nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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