Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
