last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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