imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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