I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
