It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
