I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
