i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
