Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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