i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
