guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
