I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
