wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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