i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
