i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
