my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I looked at my own cervix.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
