Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
