He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
