matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
