Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
