he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
