Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
