If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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