Buhtt sex?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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