either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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