it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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