I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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