So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
