You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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