why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
