I will die if light touches me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
