people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
