You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
