Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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