I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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