It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize