Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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