Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
