i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
