I could make wine with my vomit
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
