This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
