I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize