my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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