Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
