Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
