I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
