it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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