Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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