my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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