he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
