i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
