OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
