he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
