Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
