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was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Your penis caused this!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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