i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
