I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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