need another drink. this is the easiest way
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
