Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
