Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
