perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
