TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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