At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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