just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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