I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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