If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
