I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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