I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
