Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
