she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
