It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
