I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
