she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
